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What’s in a Name?

Drivers heading through the Western Harbour Tunnel are greeted by huge red Getters touting Sino Land’s latest development, in Tai Kok Tsui. “The Hermitage” is about to go on sale, and word on the street is it may fetch HK$13,000 to HK$15,000 per square foot.

Now to me, a hermitage is a place a hermit lives – on his or her own. It’s a place of isolation. Home to a recluse. A slice of solitude. The ledge high on the mountain where the guru sits, leaving earth and the earthly world behind.

It’s hard to imagine a hermit wanting to live in one of Hong Kong’s multi-tower blocks, never mind one that’s a short walk from five MTR stops and, according to the developer’s marketing blurb, at the heart of the city’s “Golden Circle,” West Kowloon. It would be enough to give any self-respecting hermit hives. And how does a recluse come up with the downpayment?

Sino Land says it was thinking about The Hermitage, as in the famous museum in the Russian city of Saint Petersburg, not a hermitage. There’s another famous Hermitage (capital H, please) near Nashville, Tennessee, that was once home to Andrew Jackson, “Old Hickory,” the seventh president of the United States.

Hermitage. There’s no denying it’s got a ring to it. Drop a couple of letters and you’ve got “Heritage.” You say it’s newer than new? There’s no art in this museum? Now you’re splitting hairs.

But you can see how the confusion might develop. What’s in a name in Hong Kong? Not much, apparently. And who cares? Rose Garden by any other name would sell as sweet.

There are names that don’t make any sense, like Bel-Air on the Peak, which is by the sea in Cyberport. Which come to think of it is neither a port, nor cyber. In some bygone dot.com daze, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

There are names that show a remarkable lack of imagination. You’ve got Citygate, Cityplaza, City Mansion, City Garden, City One, Centre Point, CentreStage, Centre Mark, Centro Point. Hong Kong has twice as many Beverly Hills (in Causeway Bay and Tai Po) as LA, and three times as many Manhattans as the Big Apple — there’s The Manhattan, Manhattan Heights and Manhattan Hill.

A friend of mine had an apartment in All Fit Garden on Bonham Road in Mid-Levels. He was never too sure if that applied to the conditioning of the residents, or the amount of furniture he could cram into his 400 square feet. Easful Court in Tsing Yi is probably just as jam-packed.

Better not get downwind of The Belcher’s.Another buddy gets down to Rhythm Garden in Diamond Hill, a fitting destination if ever there was for dancers, musicians and DJs in search of a place to call home.

Hong Kong developers are also a happy lot – there’s Cheery Garden, Cheerful Garden, Cheerful Court, Happy Court, Happy Villa, Happy Garden. Maybe it’s the sky-high prices for new property that do it.

Fancy a bit of French? We’ve got Chateau Royale, Chateau de Maison, La Maison Du Nord, La Place de Victoria, La Serene, La Fontaine, Le Blue, Le Rivage, Le Village, La Mer. Or you could go Italian (or maybe Spanish), with Castello, La Casa Bella, Casa De Oro, La Costa, Costa Bello, Chianti, Bella Vista, Sorrento, Larvotto.

Upwardly mobile, in search of aspirational living? Le Prestige, Prima Villa, The Pinnacle, The Zenith, The Legend may be the perfect places for you.

There’s a plus side to all the extravagance. At least everything’s not named after some flower or lake, like in so many Western suburbs.

And it ensures that for Hongkongers, there’s no place like home.

Brilliant Court? Brilliant Garden? Brilliant! Excellent Court! Genius Court! Fully Mansion!